Cook For Yourself
I recently was asked a loaded question on Letterboxd, left as a comment on my director’s statement plus five-star rating of my own film (Tiny Plastic Sharks, which you can watch for free!):
“Why do you 5 star your own work? A simple directors statement works better in the eyes of many.”
The following was my answer:
“For the same reason that when I cook for myself at home, using ingredients I chose, to make exactly what I want and am in the mood for, it's a 5-star meal. Every movie I make is a perfect movie for me because it's to my exact specifications and taste, otherwise it wouldn't even exist. If I were a hired gun director, and had no say in the casting or editing or whatever, a movie by me might be a 1-star from me. But when I'm in control of literally every single decision from start to finish? Of course it's a 5-star. Creative freedom means the freedom to create what you specifically love. There's nothing narcissistic about that, just like there's nothing narcissistic about making yourself the meal that you want to eat. People can interpret me 5-starring my work however they want, but that's the actual reason.”
To me, asking that question is like asking a presidential candidate why they would cast a vote for themselves. To even ask that question speaks to insecurity on the part of the asker—they cannot comprehend what this shit is that we do, and by ‘we’ I mean anyone who believes in themselves in any capacity—and by ‘what we do’ I mean even just choosing to exist, even just breathing.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you that cooking for yourself, and enjoying it, is narcissism. That existing is selfish. That human life is an affront to nature. Because that’s really what it comes down to, if you boil it down—and Ayn Rand was right. There are people who seemingly exist solely to guilt you for your self esteem, and they are the weaseliest, slimiest people you will ever meet. They are the villains of life. They cannot be reasoned with—they are resistance incarnate. Once in a while, answer them publicly, just in case someone who can be helped is watching. But, most of all, just go make some more fucking spaghetti sauce.
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